Discover how Phil Jones’s "Exactly What to Say" teaches powerful phrases to influence decisions and create connections. 25 key strategies for success in communication.
In communication, the words you choose can be the difference between success and failure. Phil M. Jones, in his best-selling book Exactly What to Say, presents powerful strategies to help you say the right things at the right time. His approach revolves around using carefully crafted phrases that make people feel more open, connected, and ready to take action. Whether you’re in sales, leadership, or everyday conversations, understanding exactly what to say can elevate your influence and effectiveness. Let’s explore 25 key insights from Jones’ book that will transform the way you communicate.
25 Key Insights from *Exactly What to Say by Phil M. Jones
In Exactly What to Say, Phil M. Jones emphasizes the importance of using "Magic Words," which are carefully selected phrases that can lower resistance and increase openness in conversations. These words work on a psychological level, encouraging people to engage without feeling pressured. For instance, the phrase "I'm not sure if it's for you, but…" is designed to remove any pressure of a hard sell, allowing the listener to feel in control while still being intrigued by the offer. This tactic subtly invites curiosity and keeps the listener engaged, making them more likely to continue the conversation.
2. The Soft Start: “I’m Curious”
The phrase “I’m curious” is a soft way to initiate a conversation or question without coming off as confrontational or demanding. It disarms the listener, making them feel more comfortable and willing to engage. This approach invites them to share their thoughts or opinions openly, which is key in building rapport and fostering a more collaborative dialogue. For instance, saying “I’m curious, what made you choose that option?” encourages the person to reflect and respond thoughtfully, rather than feeling defensive.
3. Leverage the Power of “Just Imagine”
When you say “Just imagine…” you tap into the power of visualization, allowing the listener to mentally picture a future scenario or outcome. This phrase helps create an emotional connection by engaging the imagination, making abstract concepts more concrete. For example, saying “Just imagine how much easier your life would be with this solution in place” encourages the listener to envision a better reality, making it easier for them to see the benefits and take action.
4. “How Would You Feel If…”
This phrase is particularly effective because it prompts the listener to consider the emotional implications of a decision. By asking, “How would you feel if you could achieve this result?” you guide them to think about the positive emotional outcome of their choice. This technique is non-confrontational and empathetic, which helps to create a deeper emotional connection. It allows the listener to see how their decision could impact their future happiness or satisfaction, making it easier for them to commit to a choice.
5. The Limiting Frame: “Most People”
Using the phrase “Most people…” is a powerful way to apply social proof in your conversation. People naturally want to fit in with others or follow the perceived wisdom of the majority. By framing your suggestion with “Most people who are in your situation choose this option,” you encourage the listener to feel that their decision aligns with a broader, more acceptable norm. This reduces their hesitation and makes them feel more confident in following through, knowing that others have made the same choice.
6. Pacing with “The Good News Is…”
When you’re in a conversation that involves discussing challenges or setbacks, transitioning with “The good news is…” helps to shift the focus toward solutions. This phrase acts as a bridge, allowing you to acknowledge a problem while quickly pivoting to a more positive outlook. For example, after discussing a difficulty, you can say, “The good news is that we have a simple solution that can help fix this.” This maintains momentum and keeps the conversation focused on the positive, encouraging the listener to stay engaged and motivated.
7. Use “If…Then” Statements to Guide Decisions
The “If…then” structure is a logical tool that simplifies decision-making by framing choices in terms of cause and effect. It helps the listener see the direct relationship between actions and outcomes, making it easier for them to understand the consequences of their decisions. For instance, saying “If you decide to move forward today, then we can get started immediately and have the project completed within the week” gives the listener a clear understanding of the benefits of acting now. This tactic also reduces uncertainty by providing a clear path forward, helping the listener feel more confident in their decision.
8. “Before You Make Your Mind Up” as a Disarming Opener
Starting the phrase “Before you make your mind up” gives the listener the impression that they have complete control over their decision, which reduces any pressure they might feel. By opening with this, you offer a sense of freedom and choice, which can make them more open to hearing what you have to say. It also allows you to introduce a different perspective or additional information without seeming pushy. This approach respects their autonomy while keeping the conversation open to influence.
9. Handling Objections with “What Makes You Say That?”
When someone raises an objection or concern, instead of immediately countering it or trying to persuade them otherwise, asking “What makes you say that?” opens up a space for dialogue. This question encourages the other person to explain their reasoning, which allows you to better understand their objections. This non-confrontational approach diffuses tension and shows that you are genuinely interested in their perspective. It also allows you to address the root of the concern more effectively, without making them feel defensive.
10. “Let’s Assume…” to Overcome Hesitations
Using “Let’s assume…” helps the listener mentally bypass their hesitations by imagining a scenario where they’ve already made a decision. This technique moves the conversation forward by shifting focus from uncertainties to possibilities. For instance, saying, “Let’s assume you’ve already chosen this option—how do you think it will benefit you?” allows the person to explore the positive outcomes, making the decision feel more concrete and achievable. This reduces the paralysis of indecision and encourages forward momentum.
11. “A Favor to Ask…” to Build Rapport
When you ask someone for a small favor, it can trigger a psychological principle called the “Benjamin Franklin Effect,” where people are more likely to help you again after doing you a favor. This phrase softens your request, making you appear humble and approachable. By asking for something simple, you build rapport and increase the likelihood that they will be more receptive to future requests. This technique is particularly effective in fostering a sense of reciprocity and trust, making your relationship with the listener stronger.
12. “There’s Two Types of People”
Framing a decision by saying, “There’s two types of people…” simplifies the conversation by creating a binary choice. This makes it easier for the listener to process their options and encourages them to align with one of the choices. For example, “There’s two types of people: those who act and those who hesitate—what kind are you?” This subtly nudges the listener to choose the more favorable option. By framing decisions in such a way, you reduce the complexity of the situation and guide them toward the action you want them to take.
13. “What Happens Next Is…”
This phrase serves as a guidepost, providing clarity on the next steps. It helps the listener feel more confident and secure, knowing exactly what to expect. When you say “What happens next is…” you take control of the conversation and outline a clear plan of action, making it easier for the other person to follow along. This phrase reduces uncertainty and gives the listener a sense of progress, which helps build trust and moves the conversation forward.
14. “Just Out of Curiosity”
The phrase “Just out of curiosity” is a disarming way to ask potentially difficult or sensitive questions. It softens the approach by framing your inquiry as something casual, rather than confrontational. For example, “Just out of curiosity, why did you choose that option?” encourages the other person to share openly without feeling pressured. This phrase lowers defenses, making it easier for the listener to provide an honest response, which can lead to more productive and revealing conversations.
15. "When Would Be a Good Time?”
This phrase assumes that the listener is already willing to commit to action, subtly removing the possibility of refusal. Instead of asking “if” they would like to proceed, which leaves room for rejection, “When would be a good time?” gives them a choice of timing, presupposing their interest. This is a gentle push toward commitment, making it easier for them to say yes. It’s particularly useful in sales or negotiations when you want to move the conversation toward a final decision.
16. “If I Could, Would You?”
This is a powerful conditional phrase that sets up a trade-off. It frames the conversation in terms of an exchange, making the other person feel that you are offering something of value in return for their agreement. For instance, “If I could get you a better deal, would you sign today?” This question shifts the dynamics of the conversation from a one-sided request to a negotiation, encouraging the listener to commit by showing them what they stand to gain. It also fosters a sense of fairness and reciprocity.
17. “Simple Swaps”
Words carry emotional weight, and by making "simple swaps"—replacing negative terms with more positive or neutral ones—you can subtly reshape how a person perceives a situation. For example, instead of saying “problem,” say “challenge” or “opportunity.” This reframing makes the issue feel more manageable and less daunting. Similarly, swapping “cost” for “investment” changes the focus from loss to future gains. These word choices can reduce resistance and create a more positive, proactive mindset in the listener.
18. “Open-Ended Questions”
Open-ended questions—those that begin with “how,” “what,” or “why”—invite more detailed responses and stimulate deeper thinking. Rather than asking yes/no questions, which can close down a conversation, open-ended questions encourage the other person to provide richer, more informative answers. For instance, “What are your thoughts on this?” or “How do you think we can move forward?” keeps the dialogue flowing and can reveal insights that you may not have anticipated.
19. “In Your Experience…”
By starting with “In your experience,” you position the other person as an expert in the conversation. This makes them feel valued and respected, while also inviting them to share insights from their knowledge base. This phrase encourages thoughtful responses because it appeals to their sense of authority and personal experience. For example, “In your experience, what has worked best in this situation?” allows them to reflect on their past, offering a more engaged and constructive conversation.
20. “Before You Make a Decision”
This phrase encourages the listener to pause and reconsider their choices before finalizing a decision. It allows you to present additional information or address any uncertainties they may have. By saying “Before you make a decision,” you create a space for reflection without forcing them to change their mind. It’s a way to subtly slow down the process, making them more receptive to your suggestions. This phrase is particularly useful when you feel there’s something they’ve overlooked.
21. “What Would It Take?”
This collaborative phrase shifts the focus from rejection to problem-solving. Instead of focusing on why the other person is hesitant, you ask them to outline the conditions under which they would agree. For example, “What would it take for us to move forward?” This question turns the conversation into a cooperative process, encouraging the other person to think about the possibilities rather than obstacles. It fosters a solution-oriented mindset, giving them control while keeping the dialogue open.
22. “I Bet You’re a Bit Like Me”
This phrase helps build rapport by creating a sense of commonality between you and the listener. It works by establishing shared traits or values, making the other person feel understood and connected to you. For example, “I bet you’re a bit like me and like to make well-informed decisions.” This phrasing reduces the distance between you, building trust and a feeling of kinship, which makes them more likely to be receptive to your suggestions.
23. “It’s Not for Everyone”
By saying “It’s not for everyone,” you introduce a sense of exclusivity. This technique plays on the principle of scarcity, making the listener feel that they are part of a select group for whom the offer or opportunity is a perfect fit. For example, “This product isn’t for everyone, but for people who value quality, it’s an excellent choice.” This statement increases the perceived value of the offer because it suggests that only a few will appreciate or benefit from it.
24. “What Makes You Say That?”
This phrase is a non-confrontational way to probe further into someone’s objections or concerns. It encourages the other person to explain their reasoning, giving you valuable insight into their mindset. Instead of directly countering their objections, “What makes you say that?” opens the door to a discussion where you can clarify misunderstandings or provide additional information without creating tension. This approach shows you’re willing to listen and helps the conversation remain constructive.
25. “You Probably Haven’t Got Around To…”
This phrase helps nudge the listener toward taking action without making them feel guilty or defensive. By acknowledging that they have likely had good intentions but haven’t taken the next step yet, you remove the pressure of criticism. For example, “You probably haven’t got around to reviewing the offer yet, have you?” This gentle push acknowledges that they’re busy while subtly encouraging them to follow through. It’s a more empathetic way of holding them accountable, increasing the likelihood of action.
These additional insights provide practical ways to steer conversations, influence decisions, and foster trust in both personal and professional interactions.
Phil M. Jones’s "Exactly What to Say" provides a practical guide to mastering the art of communication. With carefully chosen words and phrases, you can influence conversations, guide decisions, and build stronger connections. These 25 key strategies offer powerful tools to help you succeed in both personal and professional interactions. Remember, it’s not just about what you say, but how and when you say it. With the right words, you can open doors, break down barriers, and inspire action.
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